today my therapist said:

“setting realistic goals will build trust in yourself”

she’s right. but what i mostly took away from that was, sometimes we forget how complex we are as humans.

why do i (me) have to build trust with myself (me)? why do i have to trust myself when i will naturally do that anyway? we all know that the only person we really have is ourselves.

my personal opinion may be controversial but i believe in energies. my intuition alone is enough of a reason to believe in the powers of the universe. i also believe that we are composed of multiple energies that we may never understand. what makes us unique is how and where these energies interact with each other within ourselves.

energy tends towards equilibrium. the universe tends towards chaos (entropy). at equilibrium, entropy is at its maximum and energy is at 0. from this we can theorise that when at our equilibrium, we tend towards laziness (zero energy) and consequently towards chaos.

this has played in my mind for years and over time i believe it more. i recently learned of psychic entropy, which is essentially what this theory alludes to:

You evaluate every piece of information you encounter to determine whether it supports or threatens your goals. When you encounter information that doesn’t fit with your goals, it can cause psychic entropy, or disorder, when your consciousness is diverted from your goals. You may experience emotions like fear, worry, or jealousy, that make it difficult to work on your goals. You have to divert part of your attention to dealing with the information so that it no longer poses a threat. Long-term disruptions to consciousness may cause you to abandon a goal entirely. 

Psychic Entropy: A Threat to Ordered Consciousness by Hannah Aster

maybe naturally we dont trust ourselves and there are energies in the background that do, to compensate for the parts of us that are yearning for chaos, as an act of survival. it may even be the energy that keeps us alive.

perhaps what my therapist really meant was, “add consistent and concious energy to the automated parts of yourself by setting short-term, realistic goals that will naturally allow you to gain more trust within yourself and, over time, automatically shift what feels like your natural equilibrium into a higher isolated system”.

in conclusion, my thermodynamics classes at university felt rather philosophical.